By The Babylon Bee – No one has to speak to anyone else
CLEVELAND, OH – Faith Life Church revealed this week the unprecedented popularity of their newly launched “introvert service,” a church service where believers averse to social situations can come and worship the Lord without ever having to talk to anyone else.
Taking place after both the traditional and contemporary offerings, this new service allows congregants to enjoy church in silence, without being forced to greet each other with a saying or question, touch each other in any way, or engage in neverending small talk afterward.
“It’s unbelievable,” self-described introvert and church member Anita Kimball told reporters. “I’ve struggled my whole life with the church traditions that force me to invite people into my bubble. No more turning and greeting my neighbor with some contrived cliché, or having to hug Mr. Jenkins, or lying after church that I really want to get together with so-and-so. Thank you, Jesus!”
At publishing time, the Faith Life elders had confirmed that they are in the market for a new church building to accommodate the explosion in attendance due to the new service.
If you made it this far… yeh, this is a satire!